Disclaimer: this was circulated via emails and I really don’t know where they come from.
“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN”… I didn’t look up the original reference.
“It is well known…” – nobody I asked knew the reference either
“A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT”…These data are particularly meaningless.
“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS”…An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
“THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY”… The other results didn’t make any sense.
“TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN”… This is the prettiest graph.
“IN MY EXPERIENCE”… Once.
“IN CASE AFTER CASE”… Twice.
“IN A SERIES OF CASES”… Thrice.
“IT IS BELIEVED THAT”… I think.
“IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT”…A couple of others think so, too.
“CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE”…Wrong.
“ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS”…Rumor has it.
“A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS”…A wild guess.
“A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA”…Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a can of beer.
“IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS”…I don’t understand it.
“AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES”… They don’t understand it either.
“THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS”… Mr. Boltz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY”… A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
“IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD”… I quit.